corrupt wishing well of doom

granted but you have permanent handcramp now

I wish life wasn't so screwed up

^^^Theory of Relativity. That's all the wish corruption you need.

Granted, but only because screwed up in slang now means perfectly in place, like a screwed-up picture frame on a wall. The world would still be totally chansaw (bad news and easy to go wrong.)

I wish to publish a dictionary of made-up words that would catch on as a new modern slang (I think I will start typing it up now, magnets).

(New slang for friends. Magnets stick together. Get it?)

rrrrright

granted but the older generation hasn't got a clue what we are saying

I wish I head a pet headcrab

^that's kind of the point.

Granted, but because it had it's head-chewing pincer things or whatever removed, it learns to procreate by diffusion, with it's offspring having the head-chewing things, so they cause a plague that eventually turns over 40% of the human race into zombies.

I wish it was overcast again today, instead of all sunny.

granted but IT WILL RAIN FOR 40 DAYS AND EVERYONE WILL DROWN!
...except the dutch because we have the deltaworks

I wish the sky was sunnier

Granted you get put in the desert under a scorching sun

I wish I had a wand to zap unwelcome visitors

granted but it is broken in half and you end up zapping yourself

I wish I had more shampoo!

Granted. it is a swimming pool filled with anti-dandruff shampoo, so everyone in the neighborhood suffocates from the stench.

I wish I could find Speaker for the Dead in actual book form, insteead of audiobook.

granted but it's written on metal so you get a krick in your back when you try to pick it up

I wish I had a fully functional chainsaw

Granted. but you need a permit to use it.

I wish I was not still suffering from the sugar buzz crash hangover whatever.

granted you just have a giant hangover

I wish I had oreo's (stupid ascension closes all the stores!)

granted. But there is no milk, someone already scraped off all the icing, and the stores are still closed. Mua-hahahahaha!

I wish I had a couple cans of tuna, or a can of salmon. (long story, the short of it is that I need them for my signiature recipe for salmon pie)

granted but you ar missing the essentials to open them

I wish I had a half-life 2 jeep

Granted, but it gets involved in a car crash while your friend is driving it, so not only does the jeep get trashed but your friend dies too and he owed you 5 bucks

I wish I had something original to say!!!

Granted, but since it is both completely original and something that will better humankind, people assume it is the second coming (or first, for some religions) of the messianic prophet, and the believers run around screaming, the unbelievers execute you after firesnake gets payed 300,000 ounces of silver after inflation (under false pretenses, of course, not his fault), and forget who you are (actually forget, not just deny), and make millions off UFO nuts who think the alien apocalypse is nigh.

I wish something cool would happen that would make me rich enough to retire within a few weeks from today, and live in a ridiculously large mansion with advance copies of video games and consoles and a swimming pool filled something cool. Like pudding. or room-temperature molten chocolate. or some sort of coins made of a metal that looks like gold and doesn;t tarnish, but is less than half the weight by volume of tin.

granted but you are not happy

I wish I would be happy for the rest of my life

Granted. (please do not read the rest of this wish grant, or you may become unhappy) That is about four and a half seconds, judging by the speed of the meteorite headed towards your expected location.

I wish that,. if the human spirit (including personaliuty and thought patterns) survives after death, that there would be a way to initiate and conduct contact from one side of death to the other in a reasonable format, and that if they don't, then people who wouldn;t mind an afterlife then become whatever their expected form of afterlife is, as long as it is in a way that it cannot physically disrupt the world of the living, then to proceed with the first part of the wish as planned.

Granted. There is a sudden influx into the world of incarnations of unicorns, leprechauns and other previously mythica creatures, upsetting the balance of myth and reality, due to the selfish and probably non-serious nature of the people wishing to be re-incarnated. Futhermore, their lack of intelligence makes it difficult to communicate with them without some form of idiocy.

I wish I hadn't taken so long to think of that....

granted but what you thought up in one second was complete jibberish and everyone thinks you are crazy in the noodle

I wish I was crazy with noodles

Granted, they get wrapped around your head

I wish I was little again (I'm tempted to keep one of the cool bouncy ball thingies I bought Jonny for myself )

granted but you get send to school again

I wish I would know everything I need to know

Granted, then you would suffer eternal boredom from lack of learning

I wish I had something new to play on my PSP

granted you get ultra funky ... pong

I wish I could play ultra funky pong again ... it was funny

Granted, it induces a state of hypnosis that even a master could not break

I wish I could do colourful bubble writing much much better (I suck)

granted ... but you suck at everything else

I wish you would just throw out that naruto freak