Random Computer Quotes and One-Liners

Warning, some of these are fervently anti-Windows. But then again, Windows is like the Acceptable Target of the computer world. I didn't make these up, most of them have been circulating for a while, just thought I might post something new on the forum.


"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - This is not humorous by itself; but in the context it's a classic by Bill Gates in 1981

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer." - Erik Naggum

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell."

"SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it."

"Windows95: It's like upgrading from Reagan to Bush.

"People say Microsoft paid 14M$ for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'."

"I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly"

"A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light"

"The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2."

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila"

"1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"

"To go forward, you must backup."

"I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code"

"A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting."

"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."

"Better to be a geek than an idiot."

"Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something."

"Geek's favorite pickup line: Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform? "

"Be nice to geeks when you're in school, you might end-up working for one when you grow-up."

"Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail."

"Evolution is God's way of issuing upgrades."

"The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back."

"It's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages."

"The box said 'Required Windows 95 or better'. So, I installed LINUX."

"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."

"once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of 'hot xxx galore'.
While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour,
" 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"
quoth the server, 404."

"Mac users swear by their Mac,
PC users swear at their PC."

"Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error."

"Dating a girl is just like writing software. Everything's going to work just fine in the testing lab (dating), but as soon as you have contract with a customer (marriage), then your program (life) is going to be facing new situations you never expected. You'll be forced to patch the code (admit you're wrong) and then the code (wife) will just end up all bloated and unmaintainable in the end."


"Real men don't use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies." - Linus Torvalds

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that confuse it with binary."

"If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime."

"It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa."

"I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'."

"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from."

"The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot."

"Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."

"The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."