corrupt wishing well of doom

granted, but you become a cow.

I wish cows could talk.

Granted, but they can only talk to you, and they talk anbout how they are going to destroy the planet by eating all the vegetation and smothering the humans with methane, and when you try to warn people, teveryone thinks you're crazy.

I wish I could talk with and understand any animals, including humans, with which I wish to talk or from which I wish to gain information

granted, but every animal and person the world over flocks to you and they take turns speaking with you, and by doing so, they never stop talking to you.

I wish that the theory that space and time are one and the same is proven true, and thus a fourth dimension is found and teleportation becomes possible with no possibility of fault.

Granted, but teleportation has to do with moving completely out of the universe, so the fact that time is another physical dimension has no bearing on your untimely annuhilation from landing in an antimatter universe.

I wish for the ability to jump along the axis of probability finding all sorts of different cool worlds, with the safety features that I don't end up in a lethal universe and I can return here at any time I wish.

granted, but, since travelling along the axis is actually something similar to moving the speed of light, by the time you go back home after travelling, everyone you knew has died of old age while you were gone, while you are only older by how much time you have seen pass.

I wish that all the knowledge of every type of physics was imparted to me in a timely manner, and in a way tha learning all this will affect only how much knowledge I have.

Granted, but you become depressed that the earth was created in four days when a giant chicken died, and all of modern science and religion is completely and utterly wrong.

I wish I knew slightly more science than anyone else in existence, so that I could gaion scientific knowledge to publish another paoper as soon as I publish the first.

granted, but the requiremet for the power is that you must continue writing about what you know until everyone knows what you know.

I wish science was somewhat more subjective than it already is.

Granted, but everybody decides that religion is better. More specifically, Atheism. More specifically, the sect of atheism that worships Athe, illithid god of destruction. You are their first sacrifice.

I wish mythical beings and deities and all that sort of thing existed on earth, in this plane of existence.

granted, but they are all more corrupted tha humans are

I wish that the powers of a deity were up for grabs to whomever could find them in this world. And that they were hidden in areas where you had to discard reason and common sense to be able to find them.

Granted, but only stupid people get the powers. Like, stupid stupid. The sort of person who would use their godlike power to turn north dakota into a giant slice of bacon without first making the magma underneath non-burny.

I wish you could tell ahead of time when you were going to be ill, so you wouldn't have to wait for meds to take effect, or could avoid becoming ill in the first place.

granted, but you ge the equivilent of the illness in physical pain through an accident of some sort every time you see ahead.

I wish illness was banished from this plane of existence.

Granted, but so are humans.

I wish that life was like a sci-fi copmedy. Not one of the high-budget low-success ones, but like a webcomic. Like Freefall or the sci-fi arc of Sluggy Freelance. With near-perfect health care and room for zany antics.

granted, but the graphics are the same.

I wish I could see things in a different perspective, but only in the philisophical sense

Granted. You see it from the perspective of a sociopathic near-vegetable.

I wish I could adjust time, in a way that wiuld allow me to spend days in five minutes of free time, go through an hour and a half class in 30 secvonds, and still leatn everything and need at most eight or ten hours of sleep per 24 hour day.

granted, but you stay awake for a week, the sleep for three days straight, equally out to 7.8 hours per day.

I wish I could stay awake for 10 days straight, then fall asleep for 3 days straight, with no problems caused by lack of sleep.

Granted, but all of your tests in school are on every 13th day... And your 13-day sleep cycle is set up so that you are asleep during the tests, and thus fail.

I wish my internet connection was working properly, so that i could have finished updating this driver at home instead of trying to get it over the school's wi-fi, then having to cancel and not be able to restart the download because of a class that i had not been told was cancelled.

granted, but as soon as your internet connection is working properly, the internet dies.

I wish that my CIS teacher was less of a ......*bleeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Granted but it gets replaced by another teacher who is worse of a..... *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

I wish the same thing... or would have in sixth grade.

Granted, but you are stuck in sixth grade.

I wish I could inherit enough money from a distant relative that everybody in my extended family hated that I never knew that I could just quit school completely, or take one or two classes a semester, and go through with all of my crazy, underfunded schemes and buy whatever games, anime, and books I want without having to have another job.

granted, but everyone whoever considered themself your friend at any time will come ask you for money. You can't handle deciding who gets what if anyone gets anything... so you leave to some deserted island to live alone and waste your money in peace. That could be good or bad, depending on your point of view. I would rather not win the lottery.

I wish there was a way to skate around all human greed.

Granted. But literally. Greed-driven lawyers, bankers, CEOs, etc. are all tricked ointo attending a meeting at the south pole right before one of those planes that fights forest fires dumps a bunch of water and turns it into an ice skating rink (actually, that corruption turned out pretty well).

I wish I had the funds and connections to carry out my miscellaneous plans, no matter how stupid and time-wasting they are if there's even a slight chance they might work.

granted, but during each scheme, you have to work with people who make that scheme the most challenging thing you have ever done, so they get progressively harder.

I wish that My college was closer to where my best friend moved to(as in he were closer to my college), so that it would take less time to impose on his hospitality, which he gives freely.

Granted. But he gets married and his wife hates you, he gets a dog and the dog hates you, and he decides to get a(n) [apple/dell-with-windows/unix machine, delete as necessary], which you hate. If he already had any of the above, he blames you for his wife crashing the car while unsuccessfully trying to avoid the dog as she drives your computer to be repaired.

I wish I was better at corrupting wishes well on the CWWoD thread without being so cruel.

granted, but you realize that none of that mattered as we would be best frends anyway, blood brothers baby.

I wish that .........................

Granted. You get... okasy, that very nearly sounded incredibly gross. You get a billion pounds of those punctuation magnets from refrigeration poetry sets dumped on you.

I wish I could invoke and deactivate a Groundhog day effect whenever I wished (with some sort of infinite-memory card or flash drive to let me to copy andpast things from earlier runthroughs of games and forums, etc. into later runthroughs of the same day).