...can't think of title.

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...can't think of title.

Post by JET73L on Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:04 pm

I'm rather introverted in real life (due to lack of social experience, mistrust in people talking directly to me, and an intelligence that distances or even weirds out other people), which is made worse by the fact that, because of a sort of internal chemical rage problem and my unusually large stature for my age, 80% of the people in my school (only high school in town) fear me, resent me, use the berserker mode for entertainment, respect me for the wrong reason, or wish me to be their psycho giant bodyguard. 18 percent (and that's probably an overly optimistic estimate) are freshmen who've forgotten about me since jr. high. Maybe 2% like me or pity me. Recently it also turned out I have a serious depression syndrome. This is problematic because my mood is actually lifted by a depressive atmosphere, as though my mood is affected by principles of buoyancy (I listen to evanescence and feel better, I listen to a happy song, or peppy people especially, and feel worse or even ill). Making my lack of social skills worse is that I'm probably graduating 2 1/2 years early, and leaving the horrible school and what few friends I have for unknown people, probably none of whom will be near my age. I have no idea what to do, except that I am not, by any chance, going to die by my own hand. Not an option. Phobic of pain or incapacitation.
I didn't bring this up at FFNet because either it would seem like I was making fiun of or trying to one-up the other people with problems due to the neutral or even jocular attitude in other posts.
I think this about covers it. Basically just asking for advice.
(heck of an opening post for this forum section)
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Re: ...can't think of title.

Post by Terminus Est on Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:34 am

There are no worries about this as a first post, and nobody will bother you about this here, you have my word.

Usually, when somebody makes a post such as yours, it is often followed by examples of the same subject by other people, often made to be perceived as worse, and then the original poster gets no help, but instead must read through a parade of extensions taken from his or her initial post. This truly bothers me, and although it may seem that I am doing just that, let me assure you that it is in the sole reason to try and give a bit of advise.

Dealing with similar problems myself, I do not know if it will help...the thing to do would be to pinpoint the initial cause of this, which of course, is very hard, if not nigh impossible...however I am convinced that such matters follow a very specific link.
My problem was a ridiculously high level of shyness, even with those I knew quite well, but you speak of several different factors.

Depression and anger are two major ones which I've retained from your post.

I am not trying to play the psychologist, please believe me...but I would like to know, even if it sounds a stupid question, how exactly does your depression and rage impede your life, and your progress? Do people anger you? Or do you feel rage for no reason? Is it the fact that folks fear, resent or appreciate you for the wrong reasons, or is it way ahead of such?

As for depressive content and atmosphere lifting your spirits...I too am the same. People get in fights, I seem to lighten up, something bad on the news happens, it cheers me up...I use the self production methods to try and distill this strange behaviour. Perhaps you are so angry, and feel so miserable and in constant pain, that when other folks should feel similar, then it makes you happy to know that you are not the only one? Perhaps it makes you feel less ''obscure'' and abnormal, because these are things, despite society's black sheep imperative, that nobody wants to feel.

In my case, it has, I believe, been a matter of bringing others down to my own state of sorrow and despond, to make myself feel more ''accepted'', so to speak, even if only by myself. The worse foe is always the self.

However, yes, this is long...but I have the following to offer as well-to fight against superficial content and conformity is almost something of a tabooed nature, and can go as far as making thine own tastes and interests feel stupid, or abnormal...perhaps you have noticed this strange ''buoyancy'' because of people's reactions...this is less serious, and I would guess yours as a more deep rooted element, such as I have spoken before this.

Although you've not mentioned the reactions of other unto this, I would consider it...however, in a more emotional and natural response...even should it feel depressive or strange, do not seek to change your tastes and preferences in anything...as long as you hurt nobody, whatever the nature of whatever medium, feeling good and happy is important.

Evanescence is not exactly like watching people kill each other-remember that it is not popular for nothing-many folks enjoy it.

So, this is long, and I will pay attention to whatever follow up you may chose to include...please believe me, I am not posting all this for any other reason then to try and lend a bit of assistance if I can, because your behaviour sounds a lot like mine, actually. And although I've not quite managed it, some things HAVE changed, and perhaps they might help you as well.

I shall see if I can have someone read this if she wishes to, because she could offer MUCH better advice then I ever could in this field...but in the meanwhile, I do hope I will be able to help a little. it is not much help for now, but I do hope that you will consider some of it.

And by the way, I had NEVER knew any of this about you. I am rather happy that you feel safe to say it here. Smile

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Re: ...can't think of title.

Post by JET73L on Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:16 am

Thank you.
I actually do feel better having released this, and your interpretations make sense in a way noone has peviously suggested. I really appreciate your being able to try ad help, and by at least putting this forum section here. This is like, the third time in my life I'm anywhere close to happy-crying.
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Re: ...can't think of title.

Post by Terminus Est on Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:27 pm

This is what this part of the forums is for; other then listing some helpful resources at times, I do not know if anybody can always help in all situations...but I do know that just to tell what goes on about certain things CAN help, so I can listen, if nothing else. Smile

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Re: ...can't think of title.

Post by Coeur de l'Ange on Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:25 pm

I also listen to depressing (and/or very screwed up in the head) music to lighten my moods...

Apart from talking about your problems (which mildly helps), or going on meds (I consider a last resort as they are addictive (mainly because you end up thinking you need them, which means coming off them will trigger a depressive episode)...

try relaxation exercises and/or course, for example I have started doing Tai Chi for the past 4 weeks, one hour session once per week, and practice whenever I find time/motivation. However it seems to be working really well... I am much more stable than I have been in ages, and not much can destabilise me...

Not saying it will work, but the idea may be helpful at least, if you could maybe find something comparative.
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Re: ...can't think of title.

Post by JET73L on Mon Oct 22, 2007 5:15 pm

I try tai chi occasionally. Maybe I'll stick to it for a while, after your suggestion.
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Re: ...can't think of title.

Post by Coeur de l'Ange on Tue Oct 23, 2007 12:35 am

Aye... it's wierd, the way that has helped me, is to occupy myself so much I do not have time to feel depressed...

However it only works if your doing something you enjoy doing... such as also on a side, I do a lot of rock climbing, insane amounts... because it takes my mind away in a fun way!!!
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Re: ...can't think of title.

Post by Terminus Est on Tue Oct 30, 2007 10:55 pm

Because indeed, I would wonder...one must partake in an activity which one enjoys, else they will simply suppress the emotions, which I do not think to be a healthy method?

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Re: ...can't think of title.

Post by JET73L on Wed Oct 31, 2007 4:05 pm

No, it would not be. Suppressing stuff has been found for decades (centuries, in certain psychological circles) to be bad for you.
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Re: ...can't think of title.

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