Sucky Sequels

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Sucky Sequels

Post by JET73L on Sun Nov 23, 2008 1:16 am

In this thread, we pitch a proposal of awful sequels to classic, or even recent movies. For example:

Citizen Kane 2: Citizen Corpse
In order to find out what the words Rose Bud meant, the reporter uses dark magic to summon the man back from the dead. However, it backfires, and brings back everyone in the graveyard. The one thing infulfilled or mnost missed in their lives, they seek to do- and this reporter has a lot of people whose last wish was to kill that blasted reported who soiled their good name. He must blast his way through a bunch of zombie to the book of undoing other mysticalmystakes, along with his trusty sidekick Clicky the animate camera and a helpful, computer-savvy ninja named jV|\|P31.

Equilibrium 2: Disbalance
Instead of being on mood suppressants, everyone got stoned out of their mind following the mood rebellion and legality of emotion. Christian Bale's character must fund food for his pet puppy dog in a world where nobody cares where the supermarket is.

Evil Dead 2: Sam Raimi's Evil Dead Sequel
The main character of the original Evil Dead turns into a complete buffoon, forgets the last word of a mystical invocation to stop legions of the dead arising after he steals the Necronomicon back from the eternal graveyard, and he gets his hand chopped off and replaced with a chainsaw.

So? anyone else have any ridiculous sequel ideas they'd like to share?

(And no, I'm not bashing Sam Raimi's Evil Dead sequeks, they're just that weird)
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Re: Sucky Sequels

Post by Chaos' Master on Sun Nov 23, 2008 8:41 pm

Rocky 42.....

The incredible hulk: Remake 3
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Re: Sucky Sequels

Post by JET73L on Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:07 am

Spider-Man 5: Spider Man vs. Karnage, Hobgoblin, Psiren, Black Cat, Scarecrow, Kingpin, Elektra Natchios, Carmen Electra, Carmen Sandiego, Carter the Baker, Baker the Weaver, Weaver the Thatcher, the Librarian, Cohen the Barbarian, the League of People who Hate Tobey McGuire, Frodo, and Chuck Norris.

X-Men 4: The Actual Last Stand
Professor Xavier takes over Marvel Girl's mind, has her use her Phoenix powers to rebuild his body and bring a Scott Summers from another dimension, and Wolverine beats up everybody before he, River Tam, and Chuck Norris destroy the universe in a 3-way brawl.

WALL-E 2
In which BURN-E kills everything... with fire.
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Re: Sucky Sequels

Post by Terminus Est on Sat Mar 07, 2009 8:52 pm

-E.T. 2; Intergalactic Joy Ride; Plus Space Hounds!
Pixar or Disney, or some other equally leech like megalomaniac corporation now owns the rights to the classic plant man, and this is a race against time! E.T. must phone home in order to preserve his overdone classic-ness! also features a cameo appearance by CG King Kong.

Do not miss this...or the child within you shall die.


-Conan the Barbarian; Not the Cross of Iron

Watch as Conan grows old, and whines about the government...wait. He IS the government! Oh no! This is a job for...The Governator.

Conan returns with broadsword in hand and Shadizarian pacemaker in his chest, ready to fight his old nemesis; Thulsa Doom, who is now performing infomercials about mattresses...within a funeral parlour.

All the epicness you could ever wish for; gore and boobs included.

Halloween Forty Twelve; The Thirteenth Revenge of Michael Myers

(For description of film, see the back of the cases for just about every other Halloween film in existence.)

Features alternative ending; Sam Loomis rises from the grave! He shot him six times, they say...

Fullmetal Jacket Two; Not Apocalypse Now

Return with us to war! The sequel takes place in juvenile hall, where young misfits are taken to hard labour, and then must go and maintain order during the coming Gate Night.
Watch as they get a slap on the wrist, pay fines with government money and get fed only seven times a day.
Modern war, complete with a slack sense of justice, perseverance and behaviors that make old people go, why when ah wuz your age...

Suicide and rough talking superior not included. Also try our kid friendly version.

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Re: Sucky Sequels

Post by JET73L on Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:56 pm

Nice ones, Termie.

Saw XXVII
Amanda's adoptive fifth cousin thrice removed, most recent in a long line of apprentices, finds Jigsaw's notes, and realizes that the whole point was to let the person escape. This new character must find a way through the impenetrable wall of poison-coated, electrified knives with lasers to rescue the serum of becoming immortal and compassionate and appreciating life. The film is only three minutes long.

The Return of Super-Daffy 2 versus the Son of the Peril of Gremlins 2: The Movie: The Sequel (or, Gremlins 3)
Daffy breaks free of the credits to make the third gremlins movie all about himself. Gizmo falls into a lake and the entire world is overrun with gremlins, and Duck Dodgers of the 26 1/2 Century (played by Daffy) must stop them. Then everyone realizes that the gremlins won't fit in the buildings once they come out of their cocoons, and they all melt in the sunlight.

The Evil Dead V
Ash goes back in time to before he lost his hand, uses the necronomicon to replace both of his past self's arms with chainsaw guns, and then fights his way through the underworld to get Romero to unwrite it, since he can't hold the book with two chainsaw gun arms.

Star Wars: Episode IX
Jaicen becomes a sith lord and rebuilds theath star. Jaina tries to destroy the death star while Anakin mindwipes Jaicen and gets him o safety. Ewoks dance.

T4: Fall of the Organics
Future John Connor sends a series of Terminators back in time, half of them programmed to act like they're supposed to kill John Connor, the rest programmed to save him. At the end of the movie, the stable time loop from the first two films and the Sarah onnor Chronicles is completely ignored as earth is destroyed by the Vogons, thus proving that the whole general mish-mash theory is more accurate than one might expect.
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Re: Sucky Sequels

Post by Terminus Est on Sun Mar 08, 2009 1:49 pm

Lmao at the Saw one. Ha ha nice.

Sounds pretty accurate, otherwise...XD

Edward Scissorhands 2

Edward makes a comeback...in this new high school musical! Watch as he goes to high school, accidentally impales his girlfriend and totally fails sowing shop! Fairy tales like you have never seen them before!

Also, greatest mystery ever, REVEALED; where did Edward get all that ice from in the first film? stay tuned...

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Re: Sucky Sequels

Post by JET73L on Mon Mar 09, 2009 12:44 am

Wow, I've always wanted to know where he got the ice!

Full Metal Alchemist and the Hordes of Nazis
Ed and Alphonse have to fight nazis with Ed;s mechanical arm and no alchemy. Crosses over with Indiana Jones.

Charlie and the Financial Auditors
The government tries to take 40% of the chocolate factory as winnings tax, and Charlie and the Oompa-Loompas must fight them and the Vermicious K'nids.

Pokemon 27: The \Wrath of Belfrius
Ash and friends stay the night at a castle. Their host turns out to be a dark/ghost pokemon who really looks like a bat. He hypnotizes the most recent Misty replacement, and Adh has to defeat him, not with a stake, but with the Power of Friendship.
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Re: Sucky Sequels

Post by Mr. Midgar on Thu Apr 02, 2009 2:50 am

Indiana Jones and the Search for the Golden Retirement House
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Re: Sucky Sequels

Post by JET73L on Fri Apr 03, 2009 2:07 am

Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Bathroom
Indiana Jones and the Missing Glasses
Henry Jones III and the Battle of the Will

Glad to see you back here at least for a visit, Midgar!

The Biowar of the Worlds
Aliens from Mars realize that if our common cold could kill them,. they could engineer something that could kill all of us even more easily. Someone drops the vial, and decades later we find a bunch of rotting martian corpses. Then a reporter starts investigating what may have happened...

The Citizen Kaine of The Worlds
I think you get the picture.
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Re: Sucky Sequels

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